A few years ago, I met a young lady who was on my track and field team. Beyond the physical attraction, her mind captivated me. She was motivated, determined, and she challenged her present capabilities with a drive that I’ve never encountered. So much so, I wanted to do the same; be the same. I felt great around her, because she reflected the ‘me’ I always envisioned. I was encouraged by her actions. Yes, this is what brought me to her… something I wanted for myself. I reasoned to a very close friend about the same experience, and ironically, he was going through the same thing with a young woman too. But I told him that “a person will love another person the more the latter motivates the former and vice versa, to be better.” Perhaps it holds some truth even today, and after the conversation in class about desire and people staying together, I believe it ever more so.
In retrospect, she was a “self-sustaining entity” according to Jason Silva in his video, “Long Term Desire” and that inspired me. Perhaps the idea of “wanting the other half of ‘me’ to be complete,” ‘a soulmate’ some might say, is irrational. And the idea of self-sustaining entity defies that concept – seeing the next person as a whole, seeing ourselves as a whole, and then crossing over the bridge called ‘mystery,’ to meet this next whole and complete being, according to Esther Perel in her video “The Secret to Long Term Desire”
Perhaps a fear of losing someone keeps us with them. We see their transient, and it scares us to know that such a being may go away; that their self-sustenance will no longer be present motivate us. Our parent’s or guardian’s love, our sibling’s or blood relatives’ kindness, a friend’s sympathy, or a pet’s warmth. And because of that, we, according to the video “Existential Bummer,” perhaps “love harder,” and hold others tighter, or careless, or follow the creed of Buddhism in relinquishing impermanent entities. In the same video, the young man, Jason Silva asserts his position, “that enjoying the moment is to defy the end.” All things come to an end after all, so why worry about it? Perhaps working toward being our own self-sustaining entity can help us to feel less fearless as we defy the moment and enjoy it with another being while the moment lasts.